1. |
Anxiety
03:34
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I keep losing my patience with this world. My anger knows no bounds.
I am a martyr for this disease. It’s hard to go to sleep at night with a mind not at ease. Can you peek past my vacant eyes? Has it become apparent that I’m wearing a disguise? I’ve veiled my identity. I don’t want you to see the real me. I’m lost in anxiety.
I can’t believe I can still breathe. I was sure I lost my air supply when I let you leave. Come closer, dear. Now let me slip away. I have seen better days than today.
Speak to me. Say a final prayer. I know it’s hard to look to God when loss is in the air.
No one can help me. It’s safe to say I’m gone. All I wanted was a friend, I guess I was wrong. I need you. You don’t need me. As long as I am here, I’ll live with anxiety. Pure panic.
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2. |
Breathe
02:37
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Just breathe. Keep your eyes open. This is not the end.
Focus on the walls, they are not caving. Focus on staying safe, walk the path you’re paving. Trust your instincts. Keep your head afloat. Do not let water in your lungs. Do not choke. If it’s worth fighting for, it can be won. Do not let it go. Do not let it run.
I am coping with every loss all at once.
I am alone now. I’m starting to lose my grasp. But I am pulled back by this force. I’m still not sure, I’m still not sure. I’m breathing. I know that to be true. As long as I can say that, I know I will know you. I will know you.
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3. |
Careless
03:23
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I am living a lie, I am holding back the truth. My skin is just a cloak I wear to say that I have proof. In my soul, I am someone else. I don’t have the strength to voice what I have felt.
Go ahead and dig, you’ll only find more fear. I can never tell my parents, I’m afraid of what they’ll hear. I am not confused, I am no longer afraid. I’ve always felt this way, I just never felt okay, or normal. I know I’m normal now. I didn’t choose this. I am proud.
I am not aligned with this binary. It doesn’t have to be two sides, it can be ongoing. How do you let yourself believe this isn’t real? We can’t show disrespect to kids who don’t know how to feel. It’s a larger issue, it’s not an anomaly. Kids are dying and we still can’t find the key?
It’s an attitude. It’s common sense. Difference is not a flaw, it’s pure intent. We must change. We must act. We’re losing generations that we’re never getting back.
My parting words are these: love as you please. It’s easier to accept all things than it is to let them bleed. Change is not a death, it is forward motion. Please let your heart accept devotion.
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4. |
Decode
04:06
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Give me a sign that things will be okay. I’m sick of feeling so afraid of what I have to say. In my chest, my beating heart’s at rest. I tried to fix this all, but I’ve made a mess. I fell from grace, I am what you detest.
Something’s wrong with me. I push away everyone who shouldn’t be. I learn to love, I learn to die. I let go of myself, I didn’t even try.
Do you call me by my name, or am I just your past? I should have known, the way I am, that this would never last. It hurts to say it’s me who let this die. I should have been patient, I should have tried to revive. Instead you’re losing sleep because I lost my mind. If it’s any comfort, I still don’t feel alive.
Oh god how dare I beg forgiveness. I’m a victim of my love, of my patience.
Somewhere along the way, I will smile again. I hope you understand if it’s only pretend. My veins are crumbling, my bones will collapse. By the time I’m done, my time on earth will finally have lapsed. Decode my message, decode my cries. If you are broken, it should be me who dies.
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5. |
Eidolon
04:36
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Existing as a ghost, such a narrow beam of light. I have sunk into the depths, there is no end in sight. With every step I take, I come closer to the edge. Don’t say I never said I’m wrong, don’t say I was never dead.
I’m a fake, I’m a fake. I have no place to call my home. I’m awake, I’m awake. I have never felt so cold. These walls are closing in and I am slowly getting old.
Please hear me cry, please let this be a dream. I am a lie, these scars will go unseen. But with this knife to my throat, maybe you’ll hear me choke. I regret everything I said, it means nothing now. I was born to make a mess of this, and you’ve seen how.
I’m ashamed, I’m ashamed. I am a fucking hoax. I’m to blame, I’m to blame. I’ve never taken notes. It’s all my fault, I ruined this. With my heart in my hand, I just hope this all makes sense.
I am a failure. I am a ghost. I’m haunting myself, it’s what I hate the most.
If you never hear my voice ever again, I just want to say I’m wrong, and this will be my end. I make no peace with how this came to be. I let you leave. You will never love me. I let these bridges burn. I am so ashamed. When the ashes cool, I will always be to blame.
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Real Ghost Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
be your own.
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