about
After several months of extreme emotional duress, I took the time to pen a set of verses that I felt did not require musical accompaniment. Every sound on this track is my voice, and my voice alone. This is fitting because of the nature of my mental state. In a sense, this is the realest glimpse into my thought process that I can give.
lyrics
I have screamed my throat raw in these fruitless attempts to convey my frustration
Night after night I encounter a similar situation
I ponder my role in the misery of others
And whether my presence is a catalyst for putting them into the gutter
What I’ve said will always haunt me, even the most mundane
If I don’t put my brain on autopilot, I’ll drive myself insane
I frequently dissociate and lose track of what’s around me
For better or for worse, I exist outside of what surrounds me
It’s nights like these I feel I won’t get better
Or be loved by someone who actually wants to be together
To the wife I’ll never meet,
The children I’ll never know:
I’m glad I never got the chance to destroy you as you grow
I don’t mean that physically, I’d never intend harm
But simply as a side effect of living, I destroy without alarm
I don’t mean to be a bother, and someone will learn to settle
For me and all my flaws and the fact that I’m the devil
I don’t mean to overstate, but you have to understand
My head is filled with other voices who often take command
In a way, I have no control over what I do anymore
The only thing I can control is strengthening my core
Because my outside is crumbling, and soon my heart will fail
But if my soul is strong enough by then, I know I will prevail
I hope my next chance comes with many fewer flaws
So I can learn to love myself before it all goes wrong
All I have are words,
I weave them on each page
But as is the case with every web,
The rain takes them away
I’ve been downpouring for a while at this point
My point is that I’m losing hope and I ache in every joint
I do not seek attention,
Nor do I seek praise,
Simply all I seek along the way is better days
I pray to God above that in the end I will find peace
But I know that journey will be filled with voices that never cease
I’m a poet with an affliction,
A lover with a disease,
I find it’s so much easier
To drown in what I see
Immersed by a world I was given
Destroyed like child’s play
I just hope someday I return to form before I go away.
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